So, I haven't wrote Fan-fiction in awhile, but I was stuck in my own work and sometimes writing another story can get the gears going again. So here it is. It's a little long, but I hope you enjoy it at least a little . Sorry about the formatting, took me a bit to get it to work and I was hoping to have the time before people saw it, but guess you guys are a little fast lol.

Also, new parts are in this thread. I don't like making threads for just a part, so just keep an eye out here.

*Warning* if you don't want to be spoiled at all with what's coming in the next few shows then you might want to skip this. Through really I don't think it'll spoil anything that most of us don't already know. Fair warning.

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It was a cold winter’s night that found Richard Castle sitting in his study, staring at his computer screen as if willing the words to fall onto the page. He was deeply aware of everything around him, from the hot air coming from the heater, sweeping along his back in waves, to the sounds of Alexis or his Mother turning in their beds. He was even more deeply aware that he was on Chapter ten of his next book and was at a stand still. 

He sighed and laid back in his chair, bringing his hands up behind his head, and rocked the chair a few times in rhythm with the cursor. He had gone back two chapters and read all the way to this one and he still found himself stuck, almost afraid to write down the next line. Sure, he had ideas floating through his head but none seemed to fit with what Nikki Heat would do, nor did any of them fit in where he was trying to go with the story. 

Richard Castle never had trouble writing. At least that was what he told the press and anyone who asked. Have to keep up the image of course. The truth was, like almost all writers he sometimes found himself without a clue where to go. 

He leaned forward and stood up, his chair squeaking as he did so. Walking over to his own ‘murder board,’ an lcd touch screen which held all his plotting, he reached out and touched a few items, bringing up more information in a drop-down. It was all there, the beginning: finding the guy hanging from the twenty-fifth floor of an office building, all the way to where Heat and Rook take down the Killer on the top level of a parking garage. It was all there and yet he couldn’t write the few pages to get himself to the next plot point. 

“Dammit,” He said and swiped two fingers across the touch screen, clearing it to a blue background. Maybe he should just head to bed, he thought looking down at his cell phone. Two-thirty shined back at him and he suddenly felt very tired. He already knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep though, even as he felt his eyelids grow heavy.  

“All right, so let’s build theory,” He thought with a smile. He did it with Beckett all the time when working on a case, so why not solve this mystery of why he was blocked the same way? 

“Nikki is leaving the doctor’s office and heading back to the precinct. Raley and Ochoa are hanging around the bull-pen and talking with Rook.” He was pacing now, his hands moving as he talked it out. “Nikki sees Rook sitting there with her boys, laughing and having a good time, and then he gets a call and it’s his newest girl. Nikki knows it is from the ringtone and feels slightly jealous, but she shouldn’t care as she had her own guy now, who she’ll be seeing that night after work and…” And what? Where was this going? The scene made sense, but it just didn’t seem to lead to anything new. This was so much easier when Beckett was around. As soon as he got stuck she’d chime in with the next point until it all fit. 

He leaned back on his desk and stared out into the darkness, a rarity in the city of New York where there were lights on twenty-four hours a day. He could make out the shapes of the furniture, and behind that, the kitchen, but he wasn’t paying much attention to either, instead his mind was wandering. Wandering somewhere he knew was probably a bad place to be.

Beckett came to his mind as he looked out, and he felt a small pang in his chest as she was joined by the new detective in their group. Tom. He felt his teeth clench at the thought of him and Beckett together, still at the station, working theory… like they use to do. 

Why did he care? The thought naturally followed the thoughts before it but he was still surprised about it. Why did he care? It wasn’t like he was all ‘waiting in the wings’ for her or anything. He was with women quite a bit, hell if he wanted to he could head out right now and get a woman home with him tonight. He was Richard Castle after all— damn, he could bring two women home with him if he really wanted to. Yet he didn’t want to. Not tonight, and he wasn’t sure if he really would ever feel that way again. Those girls didn’t matter anymore, the only thing that mattered was if he lost Beckett to Tom Terrific …

Whoa! Where did that come from? Back the truck up there, I think you hit something. He shook his head and stood up from leaning on his desk, his hands feeling clammy and his legs began to itch with a need to move. He was not jealous, he had told Tom the field was clear, hadn’t he?

“Some fresh air,” He mumbled to himself and pushed down the lid of his laptop before going into the living room. He found his keys sitting on the counter and snatched them up before grabbing his coat and heading for the door. 

The night doorman tipped his hat to him as he left and Rick just gave him a small wave as he walked out into the night. The cold air hit him like a smack to the face and all feelings of being tired left him the moment he breathed in the freezing New York air. He pulled his long coat in closer, trying to keep out the breeze that was flowing through the buildings.

He let his eyes wonder for a few minutes as he adjusted his jacket before walking to the edge of the sidewalk and hailing a cab. He waved and shouted and to his surprise one stopped within a minute of trying to get one. That never happens, and he got in with a smile. Maybe the gods were smiling down on him and this was just what he needed.

“Where to?” The driver asked once he was settled which took a bit as he had to shift slightly to the side to keep from sitting on a broken spring. Rick stared at him with a blank expression. He hadn’t thought that far ahead he just wanted to get out for a bit. 

“Uh,” He began shrugging and lifting his hands up in a ‘I-don’t-know’ gesture. “NYPD, 12th precinct?” He offered as the only place he could think of, though after he said it he was wishing he hadn’t. The cab driver took off without another word, leaving Rick in the back seat with his own thoughts. This must have been the quietest taxi he had ever been in, he thought.

The book was still running through his head, interrupted by Becket and Demming every few moments and he pushed them away when they did. There was something in the story that was wrong, something that was making what he was trying to write as coming out as ringing less than true. The murder itself was perfectly plotted out, the Killer had more than enough reason and the clues were well placed. So it wasn’t the plot, and if wasn’t that then it had to be the characters.

He paused and looked out the window, the city of New York passing by in a blur of light and sound. He watched the people on the sidewalks make their way with their heads down and their arms crossed against the wind. There was a sudden musky smell that filled his nose and he turned back to the inside of the cab. The smell was coming from the front and he realized it was from the heater going full blast. Maybe that was it, maybe it was a problem with Heat. What changed between Heat Wave and this one?

Both Rook and Heat had other love interests, could that be it? It was the one major change he made, and was the only one that he added lately. Why did he add them? He thought hard, narrowing his eyes.

“Because Rook and Heat got together too easily,” He muttered to himself and looked down to his hands.

“Say somethin’?” The cab driver looked up in the rearview mirror. “Hey, you okay, buddy?”

“Just some writer’s block is all,” He said and returned to the window. He was sure the new love interests would bring more tension to the characters, and yet he himself had a huge problem with them. He couldn’t quite put a finger on why he had the problem though. 

Was it because he was writing a little too close to real-life? He had done that all of his career, it was how his books had such a realism to them. He told the truth about real-life, but this was the first time that it bothered him. The whole other girl/guy bothered him. Just as it bothered him in real life with Beckett. 

“We’re here,” The cab driver said, pulling the car over to the curb. He turned around to look at Rick when he didn’t say anything. “Buddy, we’re here, going to get out?”

Rick just nodded and fished a couple of bills out of his pocket before getting out. He was feeling numb now, the last thought actually made him jump slightly. He did care, and he was jealous. Since when did Richard Castle get jealous? He shook his head and turned to watch the cab pull away before looking up at the station. 

It was a large building and its once white stone had turned a yellowish grey from years of New York weather. He found himself searching the large pane windows which were mostly either black or dimly lit, except for the fourth floor. The shades were drawn there, but there was still bright light seeping through the sides. At least a couple of people where there and he found himself hoping it wasn’t the couple he was thinking of. 

He went through the front door, smiled at the receptionist and made for the elevator without a word. He pushed the button and waited, still thinking and wondering what he was doing. He should be home, either sleeping or writing, but now that he was here he should at least see if Beckett was still there. Right? He did come all this way after all. Maybe they could get something eat, maybe without Tom there. Maybe also he could ask her to open a window so he could jump because he wasn’t in his right mind anymore. 

He had always loved pushing her buttons, he had loved her reactions to him asking her out, and to his jokes, but did he actually just love her? It had all been a joke, just having fun with the woman, and yet now…

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open slowly. Rick stood away from the wall and began into the car when he noticed who was already there. 

“Hey, Castle, little late isn’t it?” Demming asked as he stepped out, blocking the doors from closing. He had a smile on his face, showing his perfect teeth. Everything about the guy seemed perfect, and even Castle didn’t exactly hate the guy. Okay, well maybe a little.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Well, we’re still working on the Blankenbiller case. You know, the girl found on the piano?”

“I remember. I was there,” Rick said, feeling resentment building in his chest. “You remember, I helped you up when you ran into that pillar.”

“Oh, yeah…” Tom’s face changed from a smile to a sheepish grin as he ran a hand along the back of his neck, messing up his well kept hair. 

“Hey,” Rick said, just wanting to change the subject and get him out of there. “Is Beckett still up there? I had an idea and wanted to run it past her.” 

“Yeah, I asked if she wanted me to walk her home, but she said she had some paper work to do or something. Do you know what’s up with her? She’s been acting a bit odd lately,” Tom looked at the elevator and Rick followed his eyes as they looked upwards.

“What do you mean?” Rick asked, suddenly very interested in what he had to say.

“I dunno, I thought things were going pretty well, but she’s distant lately. She’s acting like… well I’m not sure to be honest.”

“When did it start?” Rick was feeling the first bits of worry build. He hadn’t been to the precinct as much since Demming and Beckett were working together, and the thought that something was wrong with her and he wasn’t around to see it made him feel just a bit guilty. Why though, he couldn’t really say, but the feeling was there, as real as Demming standing in front of him.

“I dunno, I noticed it a couple of days ago, I guess.” Tom said shrugging before bringing a hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn.“Hey, look I gotta get home and get some sleep, see you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see if I can make it,” Rick said stepping into the elevator as Tom stepped out. “Take care of yourself out there, Detective.” He called and Demming waved before disappearing behind the closing doors. 

Rick thumbed the fourth floor button and relaxed back into the wall. What idea did he have that he was going to run by Beckett? He wasn’t even sure why he was there, and he was even less sure of the thoughts that were cropping up in his head.

Eight-seconds passed which isn't a long time to plan what you were going to say, and the elevator dinged before opening its doors to show a half dark room. 

The bull-pen seemed surprisingly empty with only a handful of desk lamps on where officers were working, or napping. Rick stepped out into the familiar place, smelling gun oil, sweat, and the lingering traces of perfume and cologne. He loved the mixes of smells in this room, it reminded him of everything they had done over the past few years. The good times and the bad.

He rounded the small barrier and his gaze quickly snapped to where Beckett’s desk was. She was there of course, sitting on her leg, her hair done up in a tight bun and her bottom lip was firmly in place under her front teeth. He could see her chewing on it even from half way across the room while she read the folder in her hand. He would have normally called out to her by now, but he still wasn’t sure what excuse he was going to use for being there, and really, she looked cute the way she was. 

She looked up when he got closer and he guessed she had seen the motion of his coat out of the corner of her eye. She gave him a confused look when she realized it was him. 

“Castle?” She asked, dropping her leg down so she was sitting on her butt. “What are you doing here? It’s,” She paused, furrowing her brow and looked to her computer. “Three in the morning.”

“Eh, I couldn’t sleep,” He said and dropped into the chair beside her with a flourish of his jacket. “Why are you still here, Detective? I thought all good little girls were in bed by this time.”

“I’m finishing up some paperwork,” She said watching him, her eyes looking over his face. “Is something up?”

“What? Oh no, nothing is up, just was out for a stroll and decided to stop by as I haven’t been here too much lately.”

“I know, its been quiet, but now you’re here to ruin it.” She said smirking at him and he couldn’t help but smile back. He traced her lips with his eyes, and then her chin and her cheeks all the way up to her hair. He couldn’t stop himself even though he knew she had noticed what he was doing. “Okay, now I know something is up. What is it, Castle?”

“You okay?” He asked after a moment. He was still thinking of what Demming had said before he left. He was worried that something really had happened and he didn’t know about it.

“Fine, why?” 

“I dunno, I was talking to Tom Terrific downstairs and he said you’ve been acting… odd. I told him of course, that you always acted a little odd. It was part of dealing with Beckett.”

“Oh, I’m the odd one now?” She asked, watching him carefully.”I’m fine, just busy. If you talk to Tom you can tell him that.”

“You see him more than I do,” Rick said, turning in his seat. “So you can tell him yourself.”

Beckett didn’t say anything, instead she went back to her folder and began to read again, moving her lips slightly as she did so. It was one of the many things she did that stuck in Rick’s memory as being insanely cute. He shook his head as he tried to get the image out of his head. 

“You are still seeing him aren’t you?” He asked and Beckett looked up from her paper work with a frown.

“I’m sorry, but is that really any of your business, Castle?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I’m just worried about you.” He said, locking her eyes with his. 

“Well, don’t, because I’m a big girl and I’ve been doing okay since you’ve stopped coming around as much.” She said, looking away from him and down at her desk. 

“Is that what’s wrong?” Rick asked, already knowing she’d say no. Had she missed him? It was her that was pushing him to the sidelines so she had no right to miss him. 

“What?”

“Are you being so distant because I’m not here as much as I use to be?” Her lip found its place under her teeth again and she shook her head a bit too hard for just saying no. 

“I don’t care if you’re here or not. It has actually been kind of nice without you touching everything at a scene.” She said, her voice sounding tough, but Rick had been around her enough to tell it was only her voice. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I just was feeling like a third wheel, so I thought I’d give you and Tom a bit of space.”

“I told you, I don’t care,” She said and rearranged the papers on her desk before turning to him, doing her best to stare him down.

“Yes, I can see that in your face.”

“Look, I never asked you to join my team, you did that yourself, and I also didn’t ask you to give me and Tom space, that again you did on your own. Why are you here?” 

“Because I wanted to see you.” Rick said and his eyes went wide. He didn’t mean to say that, he was going to tell her that he was just bored. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us.”

Kate’s mouth opened and closed and then opened again, her eyes just as wide as Rick figured his were. He hated his mouth right now.

“What do you mean us?” She asked, finally getting the words to exit her mouth. Rick felt the room slowly closing in on him and thought the heater was turned up just a bit to much. He wiped his hands on his jeans and kept his eyes down as well.“Castle, what did you mean us? There hasn’t been an ‘us’.”

“I meant building theory, solving crimes. I’ve missed that.” He said and it was the truth, he had missed that. He also missed seeing her every morning, bringing her coffee and missed cracking jokes and getting that amazing grin from her that reached her eyes. 

“Well, if you showed up that would still happen,” She said and Rick couldn’t help to feel like there was some disappointment in that voice. 

“Really? Because you’ve kind of been freezing me out since Tommy-boy showed up.”

“I have not,” She said, making a note on a paper. 

“Okay, you haven’t,” He said standing up and walking around the desk. She watched him closely, her face still looking annoyed. “I just want things to go back to the way they use to be. Well, not completely I guess, I…” He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair.

“I want you around me more,” It was Kate who spoke and Rick turned to look at her, his mouth going dry. She had finished his thought, like she was always doing and he was so amazingly grateful for that. She looked at him, her mouth slightly open and he had to smile because he knew she hadn’t meant to say that. It was like their mouths had a mind of their own. 

“So you do want me,” Rick said, rushing back around the desk and dropping to his chair. 

Kate’s face quickly dropped back into annoyance. “Can’t you just let things sit? Why do you always have to make some quip when things become serious?”

“Sorry, I didn’t—”

“Its fine, it’s what I’ve come to expect from you, Castle.” 

“Wait, now just a minute,” He said, his happiness dissipating as quickly as it had come. 

“Castle, I don’t want to hear it, really. I got work to do.” She said not looking at him now, and becoming very interested with the folder in front of her. A moment past and Rick reached out, cupping a hand under her chin and turning her to him. 

“You have to hear it, okay? Because I can’t stand this anymore, Kate.” Her eyes flickered slightly at her name. “Tell me, honestly, do you want me around still, even with Tom here? Is there any chance that you like me at all?”

“I do like you, Castle—”

“I mean more than a friend. It’s been what, two years and whenever someone suggests that we’re together you tell them it’s never going to happen. Is that true? I’m not saying I’m going to leave if it is, but I want to know now.”

He wasn’t sure if it was what he said, or that he was being serious but for once Kate didn’t have anything to say. Her face was twisting into different expressions, almost as if she was fighting with herself inside her head, and maybe she was, just like he had been on the way over there. She finally seemed to come to a decision and turned to him.

“How do you feel about me?” 

“I’m pretty sure you know how I feel about you.” He said, his voice tense as he spoke. 

“Pretend I don’t,” She said leaning back in her chair. She was going into Detective Beckett mode, and thats not where Rick wanted her to be. He balled his hands together, they still felt sweaty. He could also feel a coldness in the armpits of his undershirt and he hoped his deodorant would hold out. 

“I love being around you,” He said finally, trying his best not to think too much. “I love how you think. I love how you can take my teasing and give it right back, I can’t think of another woman that has done it as well as you have. I hate that you’re not charmed by me and at the same time I love that as well.” He hadn’t looked up the entire time he spoke. He was too embarrassed because he was pretty sure she was going to be laughing when he finished. 

“I don’t know how else to say it, to be honest.” He finally said and looked up, finding Kate’s eyes darting over him while her cheeks had the slightest hint of pink to them. “Your turn.”

“You’re making a joke of this,” She finally said and narrowed her eyes at him. 

“No, I’m being as serious as a heart attack here.” Rick said holding his hands up in a defensive posture.

“Castle, I’ve known you for a long time, and you’re almost never serious.”

“I am this time,” He said and stood up, grabbing the sides of her face, his hands shaking as they touched her skin. God, it was soft, and he had to keep himself from rubbing his thumb over her cheek.

He pulled her face toward him and dropped his lips to hers. He held her there, but it didn’t feel like he needed to as she didn’t try to pull away. He could smell her perfume, cherries, a smell he was always associating with her no matter where it was coming from. Within seconds she was kissing back, as if this would never happen again and it might not because she was probably going to kill him as soon as they broke apart. So, Rick decided to give it his all, trying his best to keep up with her. She was a pro, that much was easy to feel and he thought he never wanted it to end even as he pulled away from her.

 He sat down in his chair and watched her. Her eyes were still closed and she licked her lips a few times before opening them. 

“Serious enough for you?” He asked, but didn’t smile. This wasn’t a joke right now.  

“I don’t know,” She said and pushed her chair away from her desk. She reached her hands out and grabbed the armrests of Ricks chair, pulling herself in front of him. It was now her turn to show him how she felt. 

Awesome. Please hurry and post more!

Great story xonze!  Seriously, that was awesome.  I liked how Castle & Tom got along and your level of detail.  And I thought I was the only one who noticed that Beckett sits on one of her legs occassionally.  Stana did that in Feast of Love too.  So is that the end or do you have another part planned?  I hope it's the latter, but no pressure. 

I finished my word quota (no longer blocked…woo) and had some time so I wrote the next part. Not sure if it's as good as the first part, but I'm sure you guys will let me know . 

Enjoy.

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She moved in close, her heart still beating like it wanted in on the action. She could smell his cologne, a smell that always brought back memories of him. Now it would reminded her of the kiss they had just shared and she really wanted to do it again. There was something in that kiss that had left her feeling that she had been missing out on something. His eyes were searching over her and she smiled, wondering what he saw exactly. He had that look on his face, the one he always got when he wasn’t sure what was going to happen, and if she had felt like it she was sure she could of made him squirm just a bit. That was for later though, maybe tomorrow. All she really wanted now was to have his lips on her’s again. That was… until she looked up from his eyes. 

Somehow, in all the heat of the moment stuff she had forgotten that they were in a very public place, with very awake officers. Those officers were now staring at them, at her as she leaned in close to him. She had made out with Richard Castle in front of a pretty good portion of the night shift and there was no way that the morning shift was not going to know. A sudden upheaval happened in her stomach and she felt very sick at the thought of everyone knowing what had happened. Especially Esposito and Ryan, and even more— oh, God. What was she thinking? This was crazy, things with her and Castle could never work out. 

“Kate?” She turned back to look at his face and she found a worried look there. She closed her mouth, her teeth clicking when she did so, and pulled away from him. She suddenly felt that she couldn’t be there anymore. She needed to get out from under the stares and looks of her co-workers, and of Castle. She could feel his eyes bore into her and she really just wanted to hide somewhere. 

“I—uh, well,” Well what? What exactly was she going to say to him? He had just given her a head spinning kiss, and her brain was still going like a top inside her head. This wasn’t how things were suppose to be going. She turned and grabbed her bag before standing up and pulling her long, heavy jacket from the back of her chair.

“Where are you going?” Castle asked, watching her closely. He looked as confused as she felt, but she didn’t know what to say, or what to do. She really didn’t need this and she found herself wishing things were back to when all she worried about was solving a murder or two and then going home. When the hell did things here get so complicated?

About the time Castle came around?  She shook her head, hair falling into her face and she threw the stands back before looking to Castle. She was still standing in front of him and she was sure she had been there for at least a minute. Things were getting more awkward the longer she was there.

“Look, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” She said and rushed around him heading for the elevator. She kept her head straight, even when she heard the snickering from those officers at their desks. God, when did she get back to High School? She made a mental note to stir up some hell for all them when she wasn’t freaking out in her head.

She heard Castle stand up, his footsteps getting closer and she in turn sped herself up. She needed to reach the safety of the elevator where no one could see her cheeks burning brightly or her body shaking. Most of all she needed to get away from Castle, because she still wanted to feel those lips on hers again. 

She shoved the button, and turned around to see Castle walking quickly toward her. 

“Come on, please just this once,” She said under her heavy breathing and the elevator dinged the most amazing ding that had ever been heard by human ears and she stepped in. She leaned over and hit the ground floor button and with luck she never had before in her life the doors closed just before Castle could reach them. 

She fell back against the rail that ran along the lower middle of the car and let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

What the hell was that, Kate? The guy confesses to you and you run away? Yes, because she wasn’t sure what to do. God, that kiss. She placed two fingers to her bottom lip and gently touched it as if she might be burned if her touch lingered. It was just a kiss, just one of Castle’s jokes.

Yet, he had seemed so very serious hadn’t he? She had never seen the looks he was giving her. He had never touched her like that before, it was gentle, caring and… God it was just a damn kiss! Get ahold of yourself, its Castle that you’re day dreaming about. It was Castle, and it usually was him that found his way into her head, wasn’t it? No. Well, yes… wait.

“I don’t know,” She said answering out loud and smacking the palms of her hands on the metal rail. Her embarrassment was beginning to turn to anger and she was trying her best not to let it ride unbridled for too long. This wasn’t high school, she was a grown woman. She needed to act like one, but she really didn’t want to. This was just a bit to much right now.

The doors of the elevator opened and she rushed out, her heels echoing in the large hall as she made for the exit. The receptionist looked up and gave her a wave, and a good night, but Kate could only offer a curt night in return. She knew the look she was getting but right now she didn’t care. She’d be nicer tomorrow, tonight she just wanted to get out of there before Cas—

“Kate!” She turned at the sound of her name to see Castle stumble down the stairs, drop to his knee, and recover, all the while making his way to her. He stumbled again a few feet away and stopped beside her, his chest thumping as air blew from his mouth. He swallowed hard and dropped his hands to his knees.“Kate… where are… where are you going?”

“I told you, I need to go.” She said and started walking away. She didn’t get very far before she felt his hand wrap around her upper arm. She turned to look at him, and was again very aware that they were being watched, this time by the receptionist. She felt her cheeks burn again and tried to pull away from him. She was not going to let the entire precinct think she was double dating. She had worked far to long and far, far to hard to let something as silly as this ruin her reputation.

“Castle, let me go.” She said, her voice sounding much harsher than she had meant it to. She saw the disappointment flicker in his eyes and she felt her heart snap just a bit. She was hurting him. She didn’t want to hurt him, she didn’t want to hurt anyone, she just needed time to think! She needed to be somewhere away from prying eyes, and in New York that was nearly impossible, but its what she so desperately wanted. She was suddenly wishing she was at home with the shades drawn and all the lights off, enveloped in the cool darkness all by herself. She could think then.

“O… okay,” He said and dropped his hands away from her, as well as his eyes. He was frowning and she knew right now he was kicking himself over what he had done upstairs, but she didn’t want him to do that. She had liked it, hadn’t she?

“Castle,” She said, making a concerted effort to keep her voice soft.“I just— just give me a bit of time.” 

He didn’t say anything but gave her a nod before dropping his hands into his pockets. He slowly walked pass her and headed for the doors. He was leaving, and she was going to let him. Why was she letting him? She wanted to kiss him again, she wanted to be near him again. She had missed him, and now he was walking away, but wasn’t that what she wanted?

She watched him get a cab, and was slightly surprised at how fast one had pulled up along the curb. Maybe it was because he was famous, but it was still very quick even then. She found herself wishing he had been stuck out there for a bit. Not because she wanted him to be freezing, but because she just wanted to watch him a bit more, and she also really wanted to run to stop him. She brought her lip under her teeth and gently chewed on it as she watched the cab drive away. 

She sighed and threw her coat over her shoulders and tied the belt of it around her, pulling it tight. She didn’t really think she’d need a coat, her embarrassment would keep her warm, that and her anger at herself were probably more than enough.

She headed out into the cool night and welcomed the biting wind as it nipped at her cheeks and ears. Walking the block to her car was usually a pain on these cold nights, not tonight though, tonight the coldness was a welcome companion. It was cooling her down, and really thats what she needed.

She pulled her keys from her purse and unlocked her car. The car felt even colder than the outside and she shivered, her hand shaking as she tried to put the key in the ignition. She failed twice before finally putting it home and turning the key. The engine sputtered twice before finally jumping to life and she was thankful that something was going right today.

The fans of the heater started spinning, pumping cold air into the car and she shivered again, pulling her jacket closer to her body. She could see her breath still. When did it get so cold?

She got her shivering finally under control and reached up to the shifter, dropping the car into drive and she slowly pulled out, heading for home. Or at least that was where she had wanted to go, but it wasn’t long before she realized she was just driving. It wasn’t a bad idea, honestly, it’d give her at least the semblance of being alone. 

She wanted to talk to someone, she realized. She needed to think and talk and there was only one person she could really do that with. Other than Castle…

“Stop it,” She said, and watched her breath float along the swirling current coming from her crappy heater. She couldn’t though, Castle kept barging in on her thoughts like he did in her life. She shouldn’t have done that, back there at the station. She should have told him how she felt, like he had. Why the hell didn’t she? Was she afraid that he really was just joking and acting?

A bit.

A bit? Ha! She was terrified that he was just stringing her along so that he could have something over her to torture her with. That kiss though, that didn’t feel fake. The passion in it hadn’t felt fake, and she had kissed back hadn’t she? Yes, and she damn well would again if the opportunity ever came up. There was still Tom though. 

What about him? They had gone out a few times sure, kissed even, but it wasn’t even close to what Castle had done. She liked Tom, he was a good guy, and didn’t she deserve a guy that would stick around? A guy that didn’t run off with a girl at the drop of the hat? Castle was the kind of guy—

“That’s not fair,” She said to herself, as she switched lanes. “He’s a single guy. No single guy is going to pass up a beautiful woman, especially the ones that throw themselves at him.” But if he wasn’t single? What if he was with her, would he pass those up?

 He hadn’t cheated when he had been married before… and that was another thing, he had a daughter. A daughter that was awesome in every way, but still a daughter, and if things got serious… could she really be a mother, or at least a parental figure? She liked to think she was capable, but it was another woman’s daughter. Could she ever deal with that? Could Alexis deal with her? God, how awkward could that be?

Dammit, why did he have to kiss her? 

Because he loves you and you love him. She jerked at the thought and had to quickly correct the car before she went into the opposite lane. No, she didn’t love him. No. 

She was suddenly feeling very hot, and it felt stifling in her car. She reached to turn the heat down, but found it was already off and it was only the fans that were on. Okay, maybe she did a little. She hated this, in fact she hated her life right now. Why did things have to always get so complicated? Why can’t people just say how they feel? Why couldn’t she?

She finally took a look around her and realized where she was. She wasn’t exactly surprised to find herself there, just a little confused. It wasn’t where she thought she would be heading, but now that she was there she might as well see if she could talk to them. She needed someone to talk to. Someone to talk some sense into her.

She pulled the car into the parking lot for the apartment building and got out, locking her doors as she did so. 

The apartment building was large, but not very fancy. It got the job done, and for how often she had been inside she was starting to think the simpleness of it made it that much better. She walked quickly to the entrance and headed up the stairs.

Three staircases up she walked the hall until she reached the last door. Still time to walk away and go sit in the dark, she thought just before knocking. Her knuckles on the wood sounded absurdly loud and she squinted at the noise. 

“Who is it,” A very tired voice called from the other side of the door and Kate couldn’t keep from smiling.

“It’s Kate, can we talk?” She heard a heavy sigh and then the sounds of locks clicking free.

“This better be good.” The voiced called through a yawn as the door opened.

“I kissed Castle.”

The door flew open completely and slammed against the wall.