Sorry it took me so long to update. I know, kind of ridiculous, but anyways hope you like it. This one is a little different from the first one, so feel free to let me know which tone you like better, and what aspect you want to see more of. Thanks! (and thanks for the feedback! one thing-we might have to suspend our belief with the whole people recognizing Castle when hes undercover, sorry, I failed to make a justification on that)
CHAPTER TWO
SCENE ONE: BECKETT’S BEDROOM
Kate Beckett lay sprawled out on her enormous King-size bed, enveloped in purple satin sheets at 4 A.M. She had periodically woken throughout the night only to spend almost an hour trying to fall asleep. As she twisted and turned, she couldn’t help but to recall the images of exactly 14 years ago, to this night. Here on this bed, alone, with so much empty space around her, she felt fear. Not fear that was typical in situations of people that lived alone. No, Kate was not afraid of someone sneaking into her apartment at night to attack her- that she could handle. She was a cop after all. And she slept with a gun tucked under her mattress. No, what Kate couldn’t handle was the feeling that she couldn’t grab a hold of the warmth of another human being. She could spread her limbs as far as she could, thrash about as much as she wanted, but no human form would stop her movements. She couldn’t exactly place this feeling-it was not just her lack of love life-but it was the emptiness she felt from her mother’s disappearance from her life at age 17.
The anniversary of her mother’s death was always difficult, and gradually over the years she could feel the evolution of her emotions and reactions to this day when looking back on them. But today, at this moment, the pain was real, her emotions were raw, and she couldn’t shake the images of her mother ravaged on the kitchen floor with a pool of blood seeping into the tile cracks. Kate could not shade the unsettled feeling of no closure and the unknown. She sought the truth and needed the truth. The unknown was terrifying, and she always strove to resolve this uneasiness and uncertainty. But in the end, Kate often had difficulties blocking out certain things from her mind. Some could say she overanalyzed, some could say she overthought things. Kate clearly saw that her mind had no ability to know when to shut the hell up. Thus, sometimes Kate had to completely lock up her mind to any thoughts on her mother’s case. If she opened up her mind to wander, it would eat her up, and she would not be able to concentrate on anything. Kate had done well in locking up that part of her life. This didn’t mean that she didn’t think about her mother-of course she did. All the time. But the details of the case had been purged from her mind through years of therapy, and practiced self-control. Until a certain arrogant and selfish writer had forced the details back in her mind…
Kate thought about her recent tag-along. Arrogant? Sure. But selfish? Was he really? She didn’t know. When it came to Castle, she really had absolutely no idea what went through that man’s head. One minute he was a playboy basking in the admiration of his slutty 20-something-year old fans, one minute he was a complete 12-year old making lame jokes and acting like a little bratty brother, and then another minute he was refreshingly charming, and a sweet and caring father…She had spent these past months with so many different personas, but who was the real Richard Castle?
But Castle had opened up these locked details when he had looked into her mother’s case. Castle had opened up these emotions that Kate felt right now about her mother, and if he was here right now, she would relish in kicking him square in the jaw. What frustrated Kate even more, was that at the same time that her thoughts wandered to this idea of maiming Richard Castle, her mind also allowed itself to wander to thoughts of Castle wrapping his strong arms around Kate and holding her so she wouldn’t be alone tonight…
SCENE TWO: IN THE VAN
Kate sat in a van parked discretely in a dark alley near the bar that she and Castle would have to visit that evening. Tonight was the important first impression. They had to get an invite to the big couples’ poker game the following evening. Kate was unusually nervous because going undercover with Castle was almost a guaranteed disaster waiting to happen. Castle was always so unpredictable, he never listened to her, and he always got into trouble, no matter what the occasion. She couldn’t believe Montgomery was letting him do this…
Castle sat in the van, next to Beckett, staring at her getting ready, and not realizing that he was doing so. He watched her hide a gun in her jacket and then peruse the information they had gathered on the Boomerfields. Beckett caught him staring at her, and he quickly broke eye contact and quickly turned to stare out the window.
“Castle…” she started.
“I know Beckett,” Castle blurted. “You’re sorry about the way you acted yesterday. But you don’t have to be. I understand. Esposito told me. I know about…”
“The anniversary of my mother’s death.” She finished.
“Yeah…” he whispered softly with a concerned look on his face. “Are you ok?”
Beckett looked into his eyes and saw so much emotion in them, so much care, yet she also saw something she couldn’t quite place- something new that she wasn’t used to seeing.
“Well…” she started again. A cat screeching in the nearby dumpster snapped her back, and she broke eye contact and finished, “Yeah Castle, I’m fine.”
“Ok, well if you ever need to talk to anyone, I’m here. Any hour. Even if I’m sleeping…” His serious frown slowly changed to a typical Rick Castle grin. “But of course you don’t have any qualms about my beauty sleep anyways…”
“Right. Thanks Castle. Can we focus on the case now though? It’s almost time. And please. Please Castle, don’t do anything stupid. This isn’t fun and games anymore. These guys are bad news. They mean business. Can you behave yourself?” Beckett thrust her accusing eyes onto Castle.
Castle made a goofy salute to Beckett. “Aye aye captain. You can count on me.”
Beckett rolled her eyes. “All right, lets go Castle…”
SCENE THREE: INSIDE THE BAR
Kate walked confidently into the “Boom Pub” with Castle at her side, making a mental note to not walk in front of him as she sometimes did.
Married, married, married. she repeated in her head to make sure she was in character. She moved closer to his side, and Castle sensing her close presence and purpose, took a hint and lightly placed his hand on the small of her back as they walked through the crowd towards the back private room-their destination. Kate tensed at his touch, but coaxed her body to relax, and soon found herself moving through the crowd as one with Castle. They reached the back room and Beckett whispered to the guard about their intentions. They were soon let into a small and stuffy room where a man and a woman sat at a large glass table with a bottle of Merlot placed elegantly in the middle of the table. The man was wearing jeans and a nice expensive-looking blazer, and the woman was wearing a low-cut, but elegant dress, not all too appropriate for a bar of this kind.
“Welcome. The Reynolds’ I presume? ” The woman smiled. “I’m Inara, and this is my husband Jed.”
“Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Boomerfield,” Beckett spoke as she shook their hands. Castle followed her example, nodding at them and smiling politely.
“Please please, just call me Inara,” Mrs. Boomerfield laughed lightly. “And please, sit down.”
Beckett and Castle found their way to the couch that Inara gestured towards, or rather, loveseat, and they both sat down, both taken aback a little by the plushiness of the seating.
As they sat down in this small loveseat, Beckett shivered as Castle’s body hugged her side and remained solid against her form. She tried to move away a bit, but the tiny couch bluntly told her that this was not possible. For an awkward moment Castle tried to do the same, and they quickly stole a glance at each other and then at the Boomerfields. Inara rose an eye brow, and Castle quickly remedied the situation by crossing his legs and extending his arm to fall delicately on Becketts back and finish resting on her shoulder.
Married. Married. Married. Beckett repeated to herself and almost wanted to smack herself for awkwardly trying to avoid body contact with Castle. She was strangely aware of Castle’s arm draped over her body, and as the Boomerfields spoke of the possibility of their attendance of the poker game the following evening, Beckett found that she was having difficulties concentrating on what Inara and Jed were saying.
“Mrs. Reynolds?” Beckett snapped back to attention.
“Yes, sorry, I just lost my train of thought. I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.” Beckett stuttered a bit.
What’s wrong with me? Beckett wondered anxiously.
“I was asking how your mother was doing and if she has seen Frankie lately?”
“My mother…” Beckett managed to whisper.
Beckett’s body suddenly went rigid and she could not physically move a muscle. She felt her face heat up, and her whole body temperature elevated at least 20 degrees. She felt waves of tears burning in her eyes, and fought the urge to let them flow freely. Castle’s arm on her shoulder now felt like a ton of bricks, and the leather couch now stuck to her legs. She felt like she was drenched in sweat, just emerging from the sauna.
“I…umm…she….” Beckett struggled to find her words. ***** ***** *****. What was the cover story! She could not, for the life of her, remember a thing about her cover story, or more specifically, anything related to her cover story “mother” for that matter. Flashes of her mother’s body on the bloody floor invaded Beckett’s mind and she tried to reject them with all the will that she had. Time suddenly felt like slow motion and she saw looks of confusion and suspicion cross the faces of Inara and Jed. Jed’s eyes seemed to bore into her, and Inara seemed to have a devilish grin plastered to her face.
Suddenly, she felt soft, warm flesh on her left hand. It sent shivers through her whole body, but seemed to completely return her body to normal temperature. She looked over to Castle’s fingers wrapping around her hand, and with reassurance, he squeezed her hand, and held it comfortably with no intention of letting go. Beckett could feel the blood starting to pump back normally through her veins as he squeezed her hand. She was no longer aware of the sweat, and suddenly Inara seemed to be smiling like an angel, and Jed seemed to look at her with admiration. Castle intertwined his fingers with hers, and Beckett shivered again, one last final push to normalcy. The question being asked to her and the details of her back story slowly started coming back to Beckett, and Castle slowly, and delicately brushed his thumb against the back of her hand, back and forth, in a soothing motion. Just as Beckett was about to speak, she heard Castle finishing off his sentence with an answer to Inara’s question, saving her from more humiliation and worse, their false personas.
“Ok, so we’ll see you guys tomorrow?” Inara smiled and appeared to have winked at them.
“Yep!” Castle responded. “Can’t wait!”
Beckett looked over to Castle who was still holding her hand, and he grinned back at her. Suddenly uncomfortable and completely aware of what had just transpired, Beckett removed her hand from Castle’s and put on a convincing smile for the Boomerfields. They stood up, said their goodbyes and started heading out. As they exited the small room and treaded through the crowds of people in the bar, Castle could sense Beckett’s still present agitation, so he delicately wrapped his fingers around her hand once again. This time, Beckett felt that same sense of comfort and relief, but her awareness of the situation between them caused a sharp feeling of tension to run through her body. She ripped her hand out of Castle’s and broke the rules of their Marriage as she quickly exited the bar in front of him. She was faced with a shock of cold air invading her lungs and she shivered, wondering how it had gotten so cold suddenly. Without the restraint of the earlier situation, images of her mother came flooding back, mixed with images of her near mental breakdown a few minutes ago. She now saw a smug Castle grinning in her head, and she didn’t even want to turn around to see what kind of expression he was wearing at the moment.
She jogged down the alleyway in order to gather her thoughts before facing Castle again. She heard him calling after her, but she continued, insistent on getting a few moments alone. She stopped behind the dumpster, hoping it would at least take Castle a minute or two before he found her. She leaned her head against the rough surface of the brick, closed her eyes, and tried to think of something, anything that would take her mind off of these painful and confusing images flooding her brain. She felt the tears slowly stream down her face, and she let them flow. The sooner they came out, the sooner they would be gone.
She suddenly felt two hands on her shoulders, and a slight, “Beckett?” Emotions flooded through her again, and she couldn’t handle it.
“CASTLE. Can I PLEASE have a minute alone??” she projected angrily through her tears, swinging away from his touch.
“Hey, hey” he whispered. “It’s ok”
“No its NOT ok Castle!” she practically shouted. “Did you SEE what happened in there?? I practically lost it! I jeopardized our whole cover! I jeopardized our lives!”
She turned back to the wall, replacing her head on the rough surface, trying to get a hold of herself. Beckett felt him replace his hands on her shoulders, and felt his thumb brush against the back or her neck in another soothing motion. She couldn’t take it anymore.
“YOU KNOW WHAT CASTLE?? It’s YOUR fault!” she ripped away from him and stared accusing at him through her dishelved hair that was now drenched in tears and falling across her face. Castle stared at her with an open mouth combined with shock and hurt relayed on his face.
“What…?”
“YOU are the one that betrayed me. YOU are the one that opened up my mother’s case again. And because of that, I haven’t been able to sleep at night! I can’t erase those details from my mind. I can’t do it Castle. And its all YOUR fault!” she shouted at him.
“Beckett…” he started.
“Just go away Castle, you’ve caused enough trouble for a century! I was fine before you came along! And I just really can’t deal with you right now!”
She turned around, back to the wall, with anger surging through her body. Yelling at Castle was the only way she knew how to focus her overwhelming emotions right now.
Suddenly she felt a strong tug on her upper arm, and before she knew it, she was being whirled around and collided face first into the firm, and strangely comforting chest of Castle. He grabbed her hands as she tried to resist, and placed them behind her back, as he struggled to control her movements. He then grabbed her face, and held her cheek, staring straight into her eyes with sincerity and vulnerability.
“Kate.” He paused. “I am SO sorry for what I did. But please, don’t hold it against me, because I was only doing it…because I thought it would help you.” He looked for a reaction, but she continued to look down at her feet although Castle still held her cheek in his soft, warm hands.
Castle continued, “Just know that I am always here for you. No matter what. I can’t IMAGINE the pain you are feeling right now. But I CAN relate…”
Beckett slowly lifted her eyes from the ground and looked at Castle’s soft green eyes, filled with compassion and sincerity. He felt her curiosity peak slightly, as the anger in her eyes dimmed and a lightness began to slowly emerge.
“When I was younger…” he paused hesitantly. “13 years old. I had this one friend. We were pretty close, a bunch of teenage boys just hanging out all the time. I always went to his house, and he always went to mine, our families were pretty close…” He breathed in deeply. “But Josh, he started to get in with a different crowd. These guys were just discovering drugs, and I guess Josh must’ve been doing them to, and then suddenly one day…” Castle closed his eyes. “I got a phone call that he had gotten into a fight with his mother and had shot her. And then pulled the trigger on himself.”
Beckett’s heart skipped a beat. She suddenly felt completely horrible for yelling at Castle and making him relive this moment. SHE knew how hard it was.
Castle opened his eyes and looked to the side. Beckett could see the pain in his eyes. “I couldn’t understand how someone I thought I knew could do such a thing. And the worst part was, that I would never know…I struggled for a long time with that. So I started writing possible scenarios, possible reasons why this happened, what happened in their argument, and I wrote it out as an accident. It really helped me cope, and it was comforting, even if it wasn’t the truth…”
He lifted his eyes to hers, and they looked at each other, both vulnerable for the very first time.
No one said a word. Neither had to say anything. They both knew what the other was feeling right now. Castle took his arms and wrapped them around Beckett. He enveloped her with his tall, strong form, but didn’t suffocate her. She put her head to his chest and closed her eyes. She allowed a few tears to fall, but she didn’t need them anymore. Castle’s body against hers was warm and comforting, and the smell of his cologne was refreshing. She felt her heart return to a normal pace, the insanity of the night dim, and she was content to simply stand there with Castle’s strong arms wrapped around her. Castle’s firm, but soft chest was much better than a brick wall, and finally she could feel the presence of another human being. No, it wasn’t her mother, but at least she didn’t feel so alone anymore.
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